Let’s talk "touch".

If there’s one interesting fact folks learn to be ironic about me, its that I do not like to be touched.

How do I love what I do, then? Because I do.

Let me back track, where this rooted feeling comes from… as a matter of fact, my mother tells me the story til this day how as an infant I disliked being touched and especially with sticky hands! I was number 5 out of 6 in my family. I’d imagine my brother and sisters would want to hold me all the time, but I would get irritated at being poked, prodded and left sticky so I found my voice. As this picture shows: of course, I didn’t like to be told what to do either (not much has changed)… which is probably why I have this “eat shit and die look” I gave to my older brother(-also my first best friend) for not letting me go to the chickens—apparently my mother had told him that the chickens would attack me and my brother out of fear for my precious meat, tried to steer me away.

Fast forward to 2020, me at 34 years of age and I can speak candidly and OPENLY about the act of touch, as well as the responsibilities that come with the art.

As a practitioner in the art of touch and movement, I forget how important it is to remind others, the question: “am I (by “I”, it is implied “you” coming from a full cup”).  What can I say, touch can be such a touchy subject (pun intended) so let us start from the beginning.

When you think of touch, what reminds you of the non-verbal language of touch you were first introduced with?  For me (since I cannot speak for you), I grew up in an Hmong household where language and physical affection were not a common tool to show love.  What I lacked in physical and verbal reassurance, it made up with sibling companionship and hard work with comradery.

Massage was a tool used to convey concern and respect to your elders, which is where you can thank my dad for my freakishly strong thumbs. In Thailand and many other Asian countries I’ve travelel to (Laos, Cambodia, India, Nepal, China, Taiwan, Indonesia.. more to come), massages were a part of communal life. They were done on the streets, a break from gardening, after/before dinner in the middle of the living room/communal space, on sides of temples.

It wasn’t until the pivotal moments of grieving (of my partner and decline of my dad’s health), that discerning others actions had an impact on me (made me feel a certain way). I have learned that acts of service (like any other love language) from a human being can be used to manipulate others.

I often found this theme (as I’m sure you have, as well): there are many folks out there quick to lend a helping hand, because it’s easier to help/fix others than prioritizing self.

I’m in the business of staying in my lane, coming from a place of wholeness (intentional doing my work to keep my cup full) and teaching you to honor self in the process. As an integrative body maintenance therapist and breath coach, I hold the standard of “checking myself before I wreck myself” in the famous lyrics of Ice Cube.

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So, what does this have to do with touch? Sticky hands? Aside from straight up hygiene, touch is an act of service. Whether you are giving touch, receiving touch. There is a responsibility to give, as well as receive. I asked the question at the beginning, “are we coming from a full cup” because we don’t realize that when we do not have our basic physiological needs met (in Maslows hierarchy).. the imbalance in one basic need, causes the human instinct to find ways to fulfill those needs in other aspects (even if it is unhealthy for us. eg-over indulging in food creating a codependent relationship of self soothing, sleep deprivation causing hasty decisions, lack of healthy touch-creating an incestual relationship/expectation—-this can be something as innocent as parents who need physical touch and justify them by snuggles with their kids-only, because they aren’t getting it from a partner).

In these next few entries, I will try and unpack my approach to touch and why I believe it is so important to be responsible with that act. You will find, that the responsibility runs parallel with other aspects of your life and it leaves one with the truest question: what is my intention?

Thanks for visiting. Speak to you soon!!

—g